Our Miscarriage Story

It’s been over a week now since I miscarried our longed for second baby. A baby brother or sister for Rowan, another son or daughter for us.

I should be nine weeks pregnant tomorrow but our little baby passed away at just over five weeks, it would have happened a few days after we found out and celebrated that positive pregnancy test.

Saying Goodbye Quote

We’re experiencing a range of emotions. At the moment we both feel numb and it’s all a little surreal. Physically for me it’s almost like nothing has happened. My body has more or less gone back to normal and I’m now left with an empty feeling inside as if there’s something missing. I ask myself whether it was my fault, could I have done anything differently?

It’s not the Christmas we had planned, it’s not the end of year that we’d envisioned or what we imagined for the New Year. It’s all a bit crap actually and we’re taking it one day at a time.

We’ve always spoken about having a large family together. Alex is one of four – interesting as we’re now included in the statistic of one in four pregnancies ending in miscarriage. I’m terrified that we may not be able to have the family we’d dreamed about (ever the pessimist!).

Most of our family and friends know what has happened. The range of messages from people has been mixed. To be fair, I wouldn’t know what to say to somebody in the same situation. A few people have messaged me to say that they’ve been through something similar and they’ve given us hope that things will turn out ok.

There was one question that really stuck. We were asked whether we’d keep the miscarriage a secret. Alex responded with a very polite ‘No’. But, why on earth would we keep our loss a secret?! We’re not ashamed of what’s happened. Our baby deserves to be spoken about and remembered even though he/she passed away very early on in our pregnancy.

I’m quite an honest person (a little too blunt sometimes) and not much of a talker. I wanted to write about our story and share that with you, it’s helped me to be able to write down what has happened and share our story, although it doesn’t feel like enough. This is definitely a post or a series of posts I’ll be revisiting on a regular basis with time and perspective.

I’m hoping that by sharing our experience that we can break the taboo of not talking about miscarriage and help other people who may have gone through a similar experience by being open.

In our hearts we believe that we’ll meet our baby one day and we both now feel that it is our job to remember our baby and make them proud of us for when that day comes.

31 Comments

  1. 28/12/2015 / 5:34 pm

    Firstly I just want to send you a virtual hug. And secondly I think you are not only brave, but very lovely to use your story to help others. You’re right it isn’t taboo and shouldn’t be. So many people feel the need to hide things that they shouldn’t have to hide. That they may feel better should they talk about them.

  2. 28/12/2015 / 5:46 pm

    I am so sorry to read this. Miscarriage is such a horrible thing to go through, for both parents and I don’t think some people understand how hard it is. Even though I miscarried at 8 weeks pregnant, I will always remember my little one growing inside me x

  3. 28/12/2015 / 7:04 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. I have not experienced this myself so I can only imagine. But you’re right, so many people don’t talk about it and I don’t understand why. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and nothing you have done wrong my lovely. It is simply a horrid thing that happens. I hope the new year brings with it for you happier news xxx

  4. 28/12/2015 / 8:50 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. There is nothing I can say to help but know it was NOT your fault in any way. I also know lors of women that have gone on to have healthy pregnancies after a miscarriage. Have hope. X

  5. 28/12/2015 / 9:13 pm

    Oh Laura I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what your both going through at this time. My thoughts are with you both xx

  6. 28/12/2015 / 9:17 pm

    I am so sorry, lots of hugs. Your never forget and thats the right thing to do, I hope 2016 brings you happiness.

  7. 29/12/2015 / 12:35 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss Laura. It’s a great thing you’re doing sharing your story, I am sure so many people will come across this post that are in the same position and they will find it of some comfort that it’s okay to feel how they do and share what has happened. Thinking of you all.xx

  8. 29/12/2015 / 9:04 am

    Oh I had no idea – I am so sorry. my first pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage – I was heart broken. I went on to have four healthy babies over the next 16 years! Sending you hugs. Kaz x

  9. 29/12/2015 / 10:59 am

    Incredibly brave post Laura, thank you for sharing xx

  10. 29/12/2015 / 11:49 am

    Oh I’m so sorry to hear this has happened to you both. It is such a sad and difficult time and I’m glad writing about it is helping you to work through it. I miscarried twice in the last 6 months and I have found that time has proved quite the rollercoaster in terms of emotions, it has surprised me a bit to be honest. Keep going and keep talking, you are amazing xx

  11. 29/12/2015 / 12:52 pm

    So sorry to hear of your loss. Miscarriage is actually very common but still quite a taboo subject unfortunately. I’m sure you will get your big family xx

  12. 29/12/2015 / 2:11 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Laura. I can’t imagine what you’re going through but this was such a brave post to write and I’m sure will help others going through the same. Sending love and hugs xxx

  13. 29/12/2015 / 4:23 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss hun, such an awful thing to go through. In the same way others have given you hope, this post will ensure that other parents in the same situation don’t feel so alone, so well done for having the strength to write about it. Sending loads of hugs and positivity that your dreams will come true xx

  14. 29/12/2015 / 4:30 pm

    Really sorry to hear that you lost your little baby. It’s so hard. I totally agree with your open approach and I really hope it helps you and your husband deal with your loss. I hate the notion that people don’t talk about pregnancies until they are 12+ weeks. Surely you’d tell anyone that mattered to you what you’d been through anyway. I think all the taboo around talkin about miscarriage does nothing but hold people back from grieving and moving on. Thinking about you all xxx

  15. Rachel Bustin
    30/12/2015 / 9:02 am

    I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through having had 3 miscarriages over the past 2 years trying to conceive our first baby. You will get there – don’t give up. After our last miscarriage on Valentine’s Day back in February we decided to give ourselves a break. Maybe that was what we needed as now I’m 36 weeks pregnant with our baby girl and we never thought it would happen!
    I’m sending you lots of hugs and luck for a better 2016 xx

  16. 30/12/2015 / 9:56 am

    I can’t imagine the loss you must feel. A pregnancy is such a wonderful thing. Being a statistic doesn’t take away any pain but maybe can reassure you that you did nothing wrong. I wish you both all the best for 2016.

  17. 30/12/2015 / 12:08 pm

    Big hugs to you. It is something you’ll never forget – I had 2 miscarriages, both at 13 weeks in April and August 2004 (yes I conceived virtually straight away). However I conceived again & gave birth to a healthy son in August 2005, followed quickly by another in January 2007. Don’t give up your dream & give yourselves time to grieve.

  18. 30/12/2015 / 4:42 pm

    Oh bless you hun 🙁 Big hugs so sorry to hear xxx

  19. 30/12/2015 / 7:46 pm

    I have never experienced a miscarriage so can only imagine how you must be feeling. I hope 2016 brings you some happier news. x

  20. 30/12/2015 / 8:09 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss. We also experience a miscarriage and there are no words that can ever be said to make everything okay. Time is the biggest healer; although you will always miss and love this baby it will eventually get easier in time. My thoughts are with you x

  21. 31/12/2015 / 7:41 am

    I am so sorry to hear your news. The memories will never go away but get easier to live with. Take each day as it comes xxxx

  22. 02/01/2016 / 1:55 am

    Again, so sorry for your loss. Sending a massive hug and big congrats for sharing. I’m sure your story will be of comfort to others and the process will be cathartic for you. xo

  23. 02/01/2016 / 1:57 pm

    I’m so sorry to read this, having been through the same thing before Wilf. People told me it will never be OK but it will hurt less in time and they were right. I’ll never forget that pregnancy but it no longer hurts like it did. Lots of love to you x

  24. 02/01/2016 / 8:23 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I would be the same as you, not hiding the miscarriage and keeping it a secret. If sharing helps, then share away. We are all hear to listen xx

  25. 02/01/2016 / 8:55 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss and you at every brave for finding the courage to write it all down. I hope for health and happiness in 2016!

  26. 13/01/2016 / 7:17 pm

    Oh lovely I am so very sorry for your loss. As a mum who has experienced a miscarriage I know how very heartbreaking it is and it was over christmas for us too. We were actually told: ‘well thats why I would never tell anybody about my pregnancy unless I knew it was viable’, which was quite heartbreaking to hear at the time as we were so excited and I had no bad expectations and truly believed all would be well. But these things happen and it is so very hard and I am sending you lots of hugs to get through it. I am right with you and believe that it should not be a taboo, we all go through it most of us do and we need somewhere to talk about it and heal ourselves. Something that is so very important. x

  27. 26/01/2016 / 2:40 pm

    Oh honey, I can’t believe that I have only just read this. I wish I could give you the biggest hug ever. I have had four miscarriages. One before Little Miss H and three since but I am now 15 weeks pregnant again. I know how heartbreaking it is. And you do feel empty inside. You will have good and bad days, weeks, months. But you can’t blame yourself. Although I know you will because I did. All you can do is concentrate on the wonderful child you have, stay away from situations that upset you and take every day one step at a time. Sending love and hugs, Lucy xxxx

  28. 26/01/2016 / 2:40 pm

    Oh honey, I can’t believe that I have only just read this. I wish I could give you the biggest hug ever. I have had four miscarriages. One before Little Miss H and three since but I am now 15 weeks pregnant again. I know how heartbreaking it is. And you do feel empty inside. You will have good and bad days, weeks, months. But you can’t blame yourself. Although I know you will because I did. All you can do is concentrate on the wonderful child you have, stay away from situations that upset you and take every day one step at a time. Sending love and hugs, Lucy xxxx

  29. 06/02/2016 / 8:39 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss Laura. I have had 3 miscarriages and they have all been very different, one at just over 4 weeks, one at 5 weeks and one at 18+4. You are very brave sharing your story, and please do continue to talk about your loss. I felt strange sharing my story the first time but people have been so kind. Look after yourself. xxx

  30. 23/05/2016 / 10:52 pm

    I can’t think to understand for one second what you’ve been through.. But, there is no way you should hide it, it’s truly heartbreaking what has happened, but that doesn’t stop you wanting to talk about your story! Your very brave (both of you) huge kudos for discussing such a sensitive subject… I wish you lots of luck and happiness for the future

    • Laura
      26/05/2016 / 5:26 pm

      Thanks so much for your message. I’m planning on writing a little update soon as it’s still a bit of a struggle but it did really help me and it also helped other going through similar. It is a very sensitive subject and we have found a lot of people won’t talk about it including our friends and family.x

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