Pregnancy After Miscarriage

This week is Baby Loss Awareness Week and I thought this would be the perfect timing for me to write about pregnancy after miscarriage. We had a miscarriage last Christmas and since then we’ve been on a complete emotional rollercoaster. I’m hoping this post will help others who may have experienced something similar and help support people too. I’m hoping it also helps me in the process to share what we’ve been going through.

Pregnancy After Miscarriage | mummylala.co.uk

Miscarriage and baby loss is still a taboo subject, no one ever talks about it openly (thankfully I’ve found people who will talk about it as they have their own miscarriage stories to share). I think it’s an extremely important topic to talk about as miscarriage is very common with one in four pregnancies ending in miscarriage, this is still a statistic that baffles me.

Since our miscarriage I’ve had some comments said towards me that I feel are unforgivable. One such comment was that I needed to just “get over it” and then you get ignorant comments such as “well you can try again” and “you’ll soon have another baby”. To me that’s not the point, we wanted that baby and we wanted it then, nothing will ever replace what we’ve lost. It also skims over the very physically and mentally traumatic change that your body goes through at the time. I also was frustrated when a few people asked us if we were going to keep it a secret, well you can guess my response to that! Why on earth would we keep it a secret? Would they keep it a secret if a loved one passed away, I think not!

It’s not easy being pregnant after a miscarriage, it’s full of anxiety, worries and you go through a million emotions. We’re really excited about this baby but you can’t be as excited as you want as you always have a doubt in your head that you could lose this baby too. I haven’t enjoyed this pregnancy as much as my pregnancy with Rowan, something I feel incredibly guilty about. I’m not sure I’m ever going to fully relax until our bundle of joys is in our arms.

Even at nearly 19 weeks pregnant, having had a really positive 12 week scan, hearing the babies heartbeat twice and feeling the baby wriggling around I still feel anxious. Each time I go to the toilet I’m constantly checking to see if there’s blood when I wipe, I have a sense of jubilation when I don’t see any. Every little cramp or niggle that you get you automatically think that there’s something wrong with the baby, when actually it’s just your body adjusting to the growing baby inside you.

I have days when I cry because I miss the baby that we don’t have (who would be nearly three months old), I just want to be able to hold him/her in my arms and give them a cuddle and tell them I love them and that everything is ok. I’m scared that they’re alone and I hope they’re happy wherever they are. We believe we’ll see them again in another life and we think of our baby as the brightest star that we can see at night.

I’m also feeling absolute terrified about going into labour, the last time I felt labour like pains was after a miscarriage. I was not expecting to feel like I was in full on labour, I spent a good eight hours having regular contractions curled up in a ball on the floor as it was so painful.

We’re incredibly lucky that we have a baby on the way and I’m trying to remain positive but some days it’s really difficult and you want to hide away from the world. I’m so grateful that Rowan is here to keep us entertained and a baby on the way that I need to get ready for that keeps giving me little kicks of reassurance, usually when Rowan is sat on my knee – they are fighting already!

Another thing I’ve struggled with is how much to share about our current pregnancy. After we’d had our miscarriage it felt like all I saw on social media were pregnancy and birth announcements, bump pictures, pregnancy updates and newborn baby wishlists, basically everything I didn’t want to see. I was green with envy and I unfollowed a lot of people because I just didn’t want to know, it’s not that I wasn’t happy for them, it was something that really hurt and I needed to protect myself by hiding away from it a little.

Now I’ve found myself being that person that has announced a pregnancy, have shared weekly pregnancy updates and bump pictures, and I’m not sure whether that’s been the right thing to do? I don’t want to upset anybody but I also don’t want to hide our good news as it’s been a bit of a battle to get to this point. I’m hoping it will provide inspiration to others that have had a miscarriage and are worrying about whether they’ll be able to conceive again.

One of my lovely blogger friends, Lucy from Mrs H’s Favourite Things has written some truly great posts about miscarriage and pregnancy after miscarriage. Please do head over to her blog if you’d like to read more around this subject. Lucy also wrote this fantastic post on pregnancy anxiety for the METRO.

To mark the end of Baby Loss Awareness Week, on Saturday 15th October you can help show your support by joining in the Global Wave of Light. Simply light a candle at 7pm and leave it burning for at least an hour to remember all babies that have died too soon. October 15th is also International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

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14 Comments

  1. 10/10/2016 / 11:53 pm

    Oh darling, I had tears in my eyes reading this. All the emotions and feelings you describe are so real still. My first miscarriage was physically one of the most painful things I have ever had to experience. I was shocked. I was in hospital and all the midwives kept on saying was “it is normal”. I am beyond thrilled that you are pregnant but I know that you will feel anxious until your baby is in your arms. But once they are the world will seem a much brighter place and your star in the sky will shine even brighter (and my four will be right next to it twinkling away). Massive hugs Lucy xxxx PS thanks for mentioning me. Xxx

    • Laura
      11/10/2016 / 8:33 am

      Thanks so much Lucy, you’ve been such a HUGE support for me and I can’t thank you enough. It was really tough writing that post as it did bring a lot of emotions back. Whilst I was going through the miscarriage the medical staff at the hospital didn’t warn me what would happen, I know it’s different for everyone but I had no idea that I’d feel like I was in labour, such a bizarre experience. I love the fact that all our stars will be shining down together on us 😀 xxx

  2. 12/10/2016 / 10:07 am

    Miscarriage is one of those words and subjects that as soon as it is mentioned people shy away from. Worried about saying the wrong thing, worried about saying nothing at all, worried about the tears that may fall because of it. For those of us who have suffered, we know the pain, the heartache and worry that comes with pregnancy after a miscarriage.

  3. 12/10/2016 / 11:45 am

    My heart breaks for you and all the others who have experienced this. I cannot even begin to imagine what it’s like 🙁 I think it’s precisely for this reason why people should keep talking about it. That way, we’ll be more aware of what not to say or do when this happens. x

  4. 12/10/2016 / 2:27 pm

    I can only imagine how hard it must be being pregnant after miscarriage – sending you lots of positive vibes through the blogosphere!

  5. 12/10/2016 / 4:07 pm

    It’s such a hard subject for a lot of people to talk about, myself included. I suffered a miscarriage before each of my girls and I don’t talk about it much. I find people don’t know what to say. Also my SIL had a still birth at 7 months and I know in comparison this is so much worse. But I found at the times of my loses this is how it was seen within our family. I’m truly lucky to have gone on and had both my girls and my SIL had my niece. I know exactly what you mean about that constant anxiety, I felt like this through both of mine. But please share your happy news as much as you want to. X

  6. What a heart felt post. I totally understand, having been there myself.
    Well done for creating awareness of such an important cause.
    Sending lots of love and positive vibes to you and bump 🙂 xx

  7. 12/10/2016 / 9:53 pm

    Oh, I can so relate to this before I had Sophia I had two miscarriages one was picked up fairly early, the second was picked up on a scan at 12 weeks. I too remember being so shocked by how painful and like labour a miscarriage was. When I was pregnant with Sophia I was a nervous wreck, I paid for an early scan and like you every time I went to the toilet I worried in case I was bleeding. I did not enjoy my pregnancy at all but labour was fine, as soon as she was placed in my arms all that worry and heartache was so very worth it. I think because she was my rainbow baby and was the child I had after my mum died I sort of treat her differently to my other children. I know it is hard but try and enjoy your pregnancy as very soon you will have your baby in your arms and it will be the best feeling ever xx

  8. 12/10/2016 / 10:59 pm

    Oh the comments like “you can have another baby” would make me so mad! It such a traumatic experience and women should be able to talk about it. You are so strong!
    I am glad to hear that your pregnancy is going well. Best of luck xxx

  9. 13/10/2016 / 11:43 am

    I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Those comments from people are insane, I can’t believe anyone would actually say those things, do people not think before opening their mouths??
    This was a very emotional and touching post to read. Thankfully, I have never been through a miscarriage myself, so I can only imagine the heartbreak.
    You’re a strong lady and I totally admire you for writing this post xxx It’s lovely to know that you’re expecting another baby now <3

  10. 13/10/2016 / 8:47 pm

    This is so heartbreaking. I can’t believe how cruel people were to you either. It is a loss and it should be treated as such. I can’t begin to imagine what you went through and how it felt and how anxious you must be about this pregnancy. I think it’s so amazing that you have written this post. It’s going to help so many others. I can’t wait to see your beautiful family with it’s new addition soon! xxx

  11. 14/10/2016 / 8:53 pm

    Oh I’ve cried reading this. Well done for sharing what you went through and how you felt. You’re right it’s still such a taboo subject. I don’t blame you for feeling those comments made were unforgivable. Lots of cuddles from me to you xxx

    • Laura
      16/10/2016 / 8:57 am

      Aww bless you, thank you so much for taking the time to reading it and your lovely comments too. Laura x

  12. 14/10/2016 / 9:10 pm

    We had a missed miscarriage in 2007, I will never EVER forget our baby bubble. I have had two children since then and both of their pregnancies I spent the whole nine months filled with anxiety convinced something similar would happen. I too was given many comments that you were and none of them were helpful.

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